Main

What's New

Import Stores

Import Reviews

Import Cover Archive

Special Features

Games

The Top 100

Video Game Fiction

Wanted!

Acknowledgements

Forum

Links

No, the OPCFG did NOT take to reviewing porno games recently, as the title of this game seems to suggest. No, Sexy Parodius is one of those silly Japanese titles that funked up video game nerds like me adore. Let's put it this way: if there was ever a game that made me giddy and excited just by playing it, this is it.

A quick summary about the series: Sexy Parodius is the fifth in the Parodius games, which in itself is a huge takeoff on Konami's seminal Gradius line of games. Each of them has taken shoot-em-up lunacy to a new level... practically each and every element of the Parodius games are utterly absurd, yet very humorous. I love them. I love them with a passion that best be left unknown to the general public. They go along right with my kooky brand of humor and provide excellent shooting action to boot.

Of course, the language barrier prevents full understanding, but from what I can guess, Takosuke (the octopus from other Parodius games) is now in retirement and is running a company of "mercenaries" to do various good deeds. Being the excellent boss that he is, Takosuke just sort of lounges around the office and dreams of being seduced by women, while everybody else in the group does the actual work.

Each level consists of a mission that must be completed for a certain person. In the first stage, you have to defeat a giant corn cob that seems to be terrorizing a local farm (this may seem wacked out, but this is pretty much the norm for the Parodius series.) In the second level, you need to collect a certain number of smiley-face tokens in order to successfully clear the level.

This is where the game gets interesting and breaks off from most other games of its type. If you successfully clear a level, you go to one stage... if you fail however, it branches off and you get sent to an alternate stage. You really only have to clear seven stages total, but there are nine true levels in entirety. That's not including the super difficulty bonus level that you get if you successfully beat all the missions.

The rest of the missions and objectives are pretty strange too. Each stage beings with an anime still scene of your employer describing the job, and the level ends with another picture that changes, depending on whether you win or lose the stage. One level has your troupe of characters ridding mice that have invaded a Castlevania-style mansion, while others require that you kill a certain number of mermaids who seem to be cheating on their master. Even more ridiculous is the level where you save a whole bunch of Playboy bunny style women from penguins, who have boxed (??) them all. The intro for this level is particularly funny...the woman asking help of the Parodius Team has rather large and jubilant mammaries, and Takosuke's eyes bulge out appropriately. Also featured is one of the most innovative final levels I've ever seen...you have a set time limit, and must destroy all of the barriers before your timer hits zero. In true Gradius/Parodius tradition, if you die, you get sent back a small ways, so getting killed even once puts a serious hamper in beating the game. True, if you run out of time, you get an ending...it's just not the best one.

There are eight playable characters to choose from in Sexy Parodius, plus a mirror set if a second player wants to join in. The Vic Viper is your standard Gradius ship, while the Shooting Star (and its pilot Esu) are on loan from Twinbee Yahoo! Ivan takes the role of the playable penguin here, and Michael is an angelic pig. Koitsu (one of my favorites) is a silly little stick figure riding an airplane, Mambo is a tropical fish, and Hikaru is a scantily clad anime girl riding a torpedo. Finally, Option is one of those little blobby things that always followed your ship in other Gradius games and it now sentient. All characters have their own unique weapons, theme music, and voice.

Let's take Michael. He has two cool weapons, the Round Shot (shots tons of bullets in many directions) and the Wave Shot (big green destruction.) He has a power-up ability (as opposed to traditional options) that increases the strength of his current weapon. His power-up voice is a very cool sounding Japanese guy. Another unique character is Mambo...every time you select one of his four weapons, you get an extra fish that stays parallel to Mambo, firing that weapon you select. It's quite a bit different from anything else. Option can even morph into some of the characters and get some of their powers (and the cutest bit is that little Vic Vipers follow him around when you power up with an option!). All of the characters are just so varied that it adds a whole new dimension to gameplay.

The graphics and music are what greatly contribute to the atmosphere and really make the game as fun as it is. The characters are well animated, and the colors are brightly vibrant. Great detail has been put in the background, and that's one of the most hilarious things about the game. I swear, each time I play this game (I've probably beaten it about 40 times this far), I see something new and funny. Like the Yie-Air Kung Fu karate guy featured in the underwater level (see above). Or the S&M penguins in the factory level (don't ask.) Or even the scenes in between levels. Gradius fans in particular can notice various parodies of staples, like the long battles with old bosses or the infamous "Speed Up" zones (where the screen moves really fast and you have to manuever quickly through different corridors). And the true ending is truly one of the most head-scratchingly odd things I've ever seen (but true to Parodius tradition, of course). Seriously, you have to play the game to truly appreciate it.

And the music...some of the tunes are plays off of famous classical music. You hear them, you recognize them, but you just CAN'T place what they're actually called. The most bizarre is the happy/jolly version of "Battle Hymn of the Republic" in the candy level. All of the original tunes are great to listen to and just plain fun. And the themes for each of the characters helps provide personality toward our heroes.

I'm sure you're thinking that with a title like it is, you're gonna find a lot of raunchy stuff. That's really not true...most of the stuff contained in here is really PG-13 things (cleavage, butts, etc.) but nothing really bad. I think the title is just to throw people off.

For someone with a very strange sense of humor, I cannot recommend Sexy Parodius enough. It's still one of my favorite Playstation games, right up there with fellow Japanese shooter Gradius Gaiden. In fact, it's also my favorite Parodius game, and given how much I love the rest of the games, that's saying something. Everything is just so funny and varied that I really cannot get enough of Sexy Parodius.

- Kurt

front cover

For more info on Sexy Parodius, head over to SHMUPS!