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THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM - Mario, Nintendo's mascot and star of many of Nintendo's biggest games ever, including the upcoming Mario Sunshine, was recently found to have been committed to a mental institution sometime in the early 1980s, shortly after the release of Donkey Kong Jr. Apparently, according to the source that supplied this website with this info, Nintendo covered up this info in an attempt to keep Mario's media image positive. Both Mario and Nintendo declined to comment on this issue.

In the Nintendo Player's Guide released in 1987 (remember that?), the section on Donkey Kong Jr. contained the following statement (or something very close to it) - Mario has gone stark raving bonkers and has locked Donkey Kong in a cage. That's a little harsh, don't you think? After all, if your girlfriend had been captured by a crazy gorilla, wouldn't you want to lock him up or shoot him once you rescued her? I know I would.

HYRULE - Link, the hero that rescued the Princess Zelda and rescued the descendents of the seven Wise Men, was placed under arrest by the castle guards shortly after defeating Ganon and returning the Master Sword to the Lost Woods. He's been accused by the residents of Kakariko Village of breaking into several of their houses during his quest, then stealing rupees and other valuables. When contacted, Link refused to comment on this issue, but will be appearing in the People's Court of Hyrule on Monday to answer to these charges.

In The Legend of Zelda: A Link To The Past (SNES), you can go into some of the houses in Kakariko Village and destroy certain walls to get at the hidden rupees and items. It's a good way to add to your inventory, but if I was one of those villagers, I'd be pretty pissed off - so what if he's saving Hyrule? I wouldn't want this so-called hero ransacking my house for stuff, would you? I'd just give him the stuff if he asked nicely. Of course, to those playing the game, it's a bit more fun to blow up walls than to ask for help...

Also, in the GameBoy game The Legend Of Zelda: Link's Awakening, Link can actually be accused of being a thief! Here's the scoop on that, courtesy of Flying Omelette:

I was just reading your new Special Features article, and got to the section about Link being a Thief...Here's some more "evidence" to support that claim. In Link's Awakening for Game Boy, you can take an item in the Mabe Village shop and sneak out the door with it. From then on, everybody in the whole game will call you "THIEF". That's right! Whatever name you chose for your character in the beginning of the game will be replaced with "THIEF", and if you ever go back into the shop again, the shopkeeper zaps you until all of your life hearts are empty and you die!

YOSHI'S ISLAND - Rumor has it that Yoshi, the lovable long-tongued dinosaur that has assisted Mario in his adventures on numerous occasions, was admitted to the Dr. Mario Drug Rehab Clinic in the Mushroom Kingdom for Fuzzy addiction on Thursday. Nintendo flatly denies that Yoshi is anywhere but at his home on Yoshi's Island, and Yoshi himself could not be reached for comment.

World 1-7 in Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island (SNES) is entitled "Touch Fuzzy, Get Dizzy". These little creatures called Fuzzys drift along in the latter half of the level, and if Yoshi touches one of them, he goes off on a psychedelic trip - the backgrounds start waving and change colors constantly, and Yoshi can't stand still, as the ground is constantly shifting. Even when it's not, he wobbles back and forth, even if you try to steer him back on course. If he eats one of the Fuzzys, the same thing happens - after he farts and a cloud of white gas comes out of his rear! The effect eventually wears off, but I have to admit, this is the most interesting depiction of drug use I've ever seen in an SNES game (not that there were all that many to begin with, of course). Granted, I don't think it was intended to be taken as such, but with with Nintendo's history of encouraging kids to play with drugs (Dr. Mario, anyone?), I wouldn't be surprised...

POPSTAR - Videos have recently surfaced showing Kirby and Nago the cat engaging in various sex acts! Apparently during Kirby's quest to save Popstar from the evil Dark Matter, he and Nago would take some "personal time" and film it for posterity. These tapes recently came to light after Gooey threw several of these videos into the trash and they were discovered by the anonymous source that brought them to the attention of the webmaster. Kirby, Nago, HAL Laboratories and Nintendo all refused to comment on the existence of these cassettes. Select scenes from these videos wil be made public as soon as possible.

Okay, I know that sounds ridiculous - but it's true! Due to the fact that everything is animated in Kirby's Dreamland 3 (SNES), things that usually would be completely still are moving. Such is the case with Kirby and Nago. If you pick up Nago, he holds Kirby in front of him, and when you duck, Nago presses down on top of Kirby. Because everything is constantly moving, it looks like Nago is fucking Kirby! This is something that really needs to be seen to be believed - just check out the pic below:

That cracks me up whenever I see it. ^_^ Of course, this was probably purely unintentional - like that would have gotten past Nintendo's censors if it was intentional - but it's hilarious to watch, isn't it? Of course, the infamous Ring King blowjob (see the pic below - courtesy of The Encyclopedia Obscura) got past Nintendo's censors in the late '80s, so anything's possible...

See what I mean?

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